My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
