nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
