dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
