After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
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