he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
