Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
