8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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