smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
