I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
