You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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