bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
