i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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