I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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