I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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