You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
