Sponge bath it is.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
