Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
