There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
