This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
