once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
