You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
