This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
