we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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