i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
