Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
