booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
