you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
