I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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