I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Randomize
