do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
