Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
