you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How external is "for external use only"?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
