"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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