dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
