but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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