i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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