they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
