There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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