Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
