I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
