Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
