It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
