i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Mom said you looked used
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
