I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Semen is not good for contacts.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
