So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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