she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
