I should be sponsored by Trojan
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
