I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
