my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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