at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
