Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
