I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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