Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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