Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
