I wish I could teleport
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
