All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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