Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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